My bf says I don’t do enough with his kids
Me, 37f, divorced and a 6 year old son and my , 40m, bf has a 7 year old boy and 5 year old girl. we have been together for 2.5 years. he moved in 1.5 years ago to my house. He is retired air force and i work a full time job. I have full custody of my son and he gets the kids every weekend, thursday nights, all holidays and breaks, and m,t,w,f he takes his 2 to all of their extracuricular activities. Half of his retirement gets sent to his ex wife, so i foot the bill on most things for him as well. i also cook for them, fold their clothes etc. i used to watch them while he took naps on the weekends, which could range from 2-5 hours. i was expected to keep them quiet, but hed always single out my son for being loud and waking him up and send him to the room. The kids also do not listen to me especially the older boy. im also not allowed to drive the kids around per their mother. i respect her wishes. i also want to point out that he does not plan to marry me. i do admit that he helps out with my son by getting him on the bus in the morning and getting him off of it. he also takes my son to all of their many dance, karate karate, football, soccer practices (which my son cant do because his son already does them) and i cant because i dont get off in time. what more am i supposed to be doing? i talked about getting a second job so i could afford to pay someone to help me with my son with going and getting from school but my bf said that i would be denying my duties in helping on the weekends as well. I am lost and need direction. My ex husband was abusive and controlling and im making sure im not making the same mistake. id like to note as well. 2 months back we went to a kids bday party and they were in the bouncy house. One of the kids ran to me and said my son got beat up. All the kids came up to me and said that my bf son got on top of mine and was punching him the face. (my son also has chiari malformation 1) so its not preferable at all for him to be hit in the head. My son had bruises. my bf literally did not scold him or anything and i kept urging him to just speak with him and let him know how serious this is. He did not take my word for it but messaged his friends to ask what they knew and they said exactly what i told them. Now for context as well he is 7 in sparing classes and he is 120 pounds. my son is 6 and is 67 pounds. He told me i overreacted. thats when i decided i would no longer at least watch his kids while he took a 2-5 hour nap on weekends. now he says i dont do enough.
Sadly, it definitely sounds like you have chosen another abusive partner. If you are expected to look after his children they need to listen to you. Even teenage babysitters have that authority. His son should not be beating up your son and he should not be tacitly condoning this.
Does this man contribute financially to the running of the house? Even if he is giving half of his earnings to his ex wife, he and his children still constitute nearly half of your household so his contribution should be almost equal.
You’re working full time, he’s retired AND taking long naps on the weekends? Where the hell does he get off? He can take his long naps on weekdays when he’s alone in the house.
Time to throw in the towel and say, ”This isn’t working, it’s time for us to go our separate ways. I’ll help you pack.”
Your boyfriend has a good deal- someone to foot the bills for him and his children as well as doing much of the caretaking. Your son doesn't have such a good deal- he has to live in the house where his bullies also reside. This man is abusive and taking advantage of you. You need to get him out of your house.
That is not your responsibility sweetie he has to work with the other parent