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rach_mccaskill

Is it odd/rude to ask guests to use a specific bathroom?

Rach M
2 years ago
last modified: 2 years ago

We have a small (800 sq ft) 2+2 bedroom bungalow with one full bathroom on the main floor. A private bathroom is non-negotiable for us, and after much consideration, we'd really like to save the space of adding a powder room on the main floor for guests, since it makes more sense to add a bathroom in the basement where there are an additional 2 bedrooms.


That being said, is it rude to ask guests to go downstairs to the basement to use the bathroom? We would entertain on the main floor. It's a smaller home and the bathroom is right near the bottom of the stairs (and the stairs are right off of the entry room), so it's not a trek through the basement or anything.

Looking for some feedback.


Edit: We would have the upstairs bathroom door closed (likely locked) and may even add a french door at the end of our bedroom/bathway hallway to separate our private rooms from our entertaining areas.

Comments (77)

  • beesneeds
    2 years ago

    How often do you get guests Rach? And if I'm understanding correctly, the guest bathroom is part of a full guest suite downstairs?

    Rach M thanked beesneeds
  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago

    Not very often, and it’s mainly family (not staying overnight) for dinners and entertaining. Yes, a basement bathroom would be in conjunction with 2 spare basement bedrooms.

  • bpath
    2 years ago

    We had a split level, and I can't imagine where we'd have put a powder room on the main level. Fortunately it was a 4bed/2.5 bath, the powder was in the lower level. When we had lots of company over, like holidays, we just made sure ALL the bathrooms were company-ready.

    And that's my point. I don't care which bathroom I'm directed to, as long as it's clean, has tp and soap.

    Rach M thanked bpath
  • JT7abcz
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    It sounds like you have two adult occupants and occasional guests now, if there are plans to have children, a powder room will help immensely especially if you want to keep the privacy of the upstairs bath for yourselves. Young children don't always have an early warning system, plus it will be easier than stopping everything to take them downstairs.

    Rach M thanked JT7abcz
  • suedonim75
    2 years ago

    My home is 1100 square feet, I have no idea where I could possible add a powder room. I can't imagine how you'd fit one in 800 sq feet.

    A large number of people grew up/lived in homes with bathrooms on different floors. We all managed. Your future children will survive. There is no way I would put in a powder room for the "occasional guest".

    Rach M thanked suedonim75
  • PRO
    Patricia Colwell Consulting
    2 years ago

    Maybe if you posted a to scale floor plan we could help with the adding of a PR and remove the whole issue I must say I sure hope it is the main floor only that is 800 sq ft and the same in the basement. You do need to make sure the basements bedrooms have windows large enough for egress

    Rach M thanked Patricia Colwell Consulting
  • Anna (6B/7A in MD)
    2 years ago

    There are many variables that will drive your decision, as noted by questions asked already.

    Which scenario wins out? 1. A powder room for the occasional guest? 2. Or a guest suite when you rarely or never have overnight guests?


    In the grand scheme of things, when you have a very small house, I would think a second full bathroom downstairs would be more useful than a powder room on the first floor.


    I would not worry about whether or not someone would be "put out" to have to use the basement bathroom or question why they weren't directed to the upstairs bathroom. It's NOBODY'S freaking business!


    I have a small house as well (ranch with a basement) and there is NO place to add a powder room but we have 2 full baths on each level. We DO have overnight guests, almost exclusively family, and that downstairs bathroom is theirs to use. We don't use it when we have guests.

    Rach M thanked Anna (6B/7A in MD)
  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago

    Anna - thank you for that very detailed response breaking down my options. It's helpful to look at it from that perspective.

  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    Thanks everyone for the responses. Yes, the basement is about 600 sq ft of finished space (separate from the 800 sq ft on the main floor). We're leaning towards a basement bathroom - it will likely be the same small groups of people who come over, and they'll quickly know where our 'guest bath' is anyway. Because our house is already limited as a split-level floorplan with stairs to enter the house, we're unlikely to host those who aren't able to use stairs, unfortunately.


    I also want to note for those thinking it's odd to direct guests to a certain bathroom - I get how it can be seen as odd, and that's why I wanted feedback. I appreciate all of the responses. I've come to realize that we're working with limited space, and due to some personal health reasons in our family, a private bathroom is a necessity.


    Thanks all!

  • pricklypearcactus
    2 years ago

    I don't think it's odd or rude to direct guests to a specific bathroom. It is a little odd to direct guests to use a bathroom on a different floor than where they are being entertained, but it's not the end of the word. This is your home and if you want to keep the main floor bathroom private, that is your perogative. As long as your guests have access to a toilet and sink and aren't being asked to do anything that puts then at physical risk, then that seems pretty reasonable.

  • User
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    if the main floor bathroom door is located in the hall (and not an en-suite), I do think it's a little off-putting to ask guests to go all the way to the basement. sometimes more than one person needs to go at the same time, especially when entertaining.

    edit: I will say that if I was at somebody else's house and they directed me to the basement for the bathroom, I'd just use it no questions asked. they have their reasons.

  • Anna (6B/7A in MD)
    2 years ago

    There are a myriad of reasons to be directed to a particular bathroom. I guess since I work in healthcare, I can imagine them.

  • krystalmoon2009
    2 years ago

    It wouldn't bother me to use a basement bathroom. I would ask where the bathroom was and when told wouldn't think twice about it .

  • Connecticut Yankeeeee
    2 years ago

    Hi Rach - wow, lots of dissection of this issue here. Frankly, I agree that I like my bathroom private. And you’ve got a certain amount of floor space to work with. You’re making the most of what you have. Perhaps it’s a little odd (a “low level” odd) to say “don’t use that bathroom“ but I think there’s nothing wrong with saying, “oh, our guest bath is just down the stairs.” What about no-shoes house ? (a topic addressed here), or a “don’t bring peanuts “ or “I’m allergic to cats.” Lots of people have “things.” I would just be glad I had a bathroom to go to.

  • beesneeds
    2 years ago

    Ok, so 1400 sq ft, and 600 being dedicated to guest comfort. No, I don't think it's rude to direct guests there. I didn't before, but man, really don't now. Over time and visits, your loved ones might find it rather nice to have their space. Bedroom to toss coats on? Bathroom to use? Space to grab a quick moment of quiet or if there's a need for the kids or someone to have privacy? Very nice.

    That aspect aside. Do you also need an extra toilet on the main floor just in case? Depends on how much you don't want your personal bathroom used, or how stashed away that bathroom is. It might be nice to kick in the extra toilet if you can.... but don't feel bad or like you are being rude or lacking to guest comfort if you can't fit it in.

  • PRO
    Joseph Corlett, LLC
    2 years ago

    Years ago, I was hired by a furniture store to restore a marble top in their customer's home. After I got started, I asked the homeowner if I could use her bathroom. She directed me to the common condo bathroom down the street. I was dumbfounded. What did she think I was going to do in there that she didn't do anyway?


    Since the furniture store was my customer and not her, I stayed and finished the job. Had she been my customer, I would have picked up my tools, driven to the condo potty, and never returned.

  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago

    Thanks everyone for the comments. If I’ve realized one thing, it’s that everyone (both homeowners and guests alike) have different preferences with bathroom sharing vs private bathrooms.

  • njmomma
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    800 square feet.

    Putting a door on the hall leading to your bedroom and full bath, makes it an ensuite. I don't see a problem with this. It works, it directs people to another area and I don't find it insulting.

    Directing people to use the downstairs bathroom, again I don't see a problem with this. I think the one or two times someone needs the bathroom during a visit, won't be a problem.

    If possible, adding a very, very small powder room, pedestal sink and toilet, is ideal.


    In my home, I have a powder room and people visiting will venture up stairs to us the common bathroom for the guestrooms. Sometimes you need a little more privacy.

    My master bedroom and bath is off limits, even to family.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    Out house: )

    Come ON people. ....... add a door that makes your master and hall an en suite; Close the door, and a lock is hardly necessary. Any decent friend or guest will simply ask to use the rest room, and you point down the stair. I see no issue whatsoever.

    I'd drive ten miles before I would use a master bath in any home. I don't open doors that are closed, either.

  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago

    Thanks to those of you taking the time to help. But wow! Some commenters are being incredibly harsh for a situation they don’t understand! As I mentioned, it’s due to my spouses health concerns. I don’t owe you any more information than that - just asked for feedback. For the 100th time, it’s not about being not good enough for a bathrooms. It’s about privacy. No need to tell me when I should or shouldn’t entertain. Better yet, those who can’t respect our wishes (due to personal reasons) and use a separate bathroom (besides those who are unable to use stairs, of course) can simply leave and not return back :)

  • Anna (6B/7A in MD)
    2 years ago

    I swear, some of these responses just SMACK of privilege and obnoxiousness.

  • Anna (6B/7A in MD)
    2 years ago

    @Rach M Damn right!

  • Rach M
    Original Author
    2 years ago

    You’re so right, Anna. I’ve come to realize we’re not being unreasonable, as long as we’re willing to accommodate those who need it. There will always be people who think they should walk into a home and have free reign, I suppose?

    Thanks for all your help.

  • PRO
    Norwood Architects
    2 years ago

    I think it is almost expected.

  • Lyndee Lee
    2 years ago

    Any guest of mine who felt entitled to use the main floor bathroom instead of walking down a flight of stairs wouldn't be getting a repeat invitation. There is no obligation of a homeowner to permit access to every area of a house. A guest should not question their host about arrangements unless they have a legitimate difficulty. Even then, a polite guest might ask the host for assistance and allow the host to offer an alternative facility.

  • la_la Girl
    2 years ago

    Totally agree with @Mrs Pete - i dont think guests will even think about it as you will direct them (except for mobility issues noted above) We removed a (terrible) bathroom in our basement for more living space and my sons say its better that guests go upstairs to first floor powder room where it is more secluded. BTW you are likely a thoughtful and gracious host since you are considering your guests’ experience in your home ❤️

  • suedonim75
    2 years ago

    There will always be people who think they should walk into a home and have free reign, I suppose?

    They also believe that any and all furniture should be purchased with your guests needs in mind. Not your family that lives there, oh no, you must make sure your guests have an arm rest. And don't you even think of hanging family pics, your guests don't want to see that. And the way some of these people respond to posts, I have a hard time believing they actually have friends/guests to invite over.

  • PRO
    Joseph Corlett, LLC
    2 years ago

    If you want to get a mile long thread started, make the topic bathroom use and you're on your way. lol.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    2 years ago

    As I said.................ask a thousand people if they prefer this. Honestly...............: ) lol

    Don't agonize is the point.





  • Danita Young
    2 years ago

    I have a lung disease and might have a very hard time climbing stairs to go to the rest room. I doubt I would ask you for alternate arrangements and would just very slowly climb the stairs. Nor would I want you to feel the slightest desire to change any arrangements for me. You may have some people decline invitations to your parties due to your lack of facilities on the main floor but that is just life. You may not have anyone in those straits. Not everyone who can't make it up the stairs is lazy, entitled or elderly. Everyone who lacks rest room facilities on the main floor is not rude or unfeeling. There is nothing odd or rude where I live about channeling guests to a specific bathroom. Do whatever works for you. There is also nothing rude about turning down an invitation due to bathroom facilities. In my opinion what is rude (and odd) is to be criticized for our private choices. Anyone with a health reason would understand your husband's private health needs.

  • suedonim75
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    LOL, Jan. when I was a kid, (in the mid-1980's) we had a family reunion every year at my Grandparents house. My Grandma would lock the door to the house and everyone had to use the outhouse at the back of their property.

    Since this is a split level, the basement is what, 4-5 steps down? It's not as if you are asking people to descend down a steep rickety basement staircase.

  • einportlandor
    2 years ago

    90% of the time sending people downstairs will be fine, no one will think twice. Just be flexible. When you have someone in your home who is elderly, recovering from surgery, nursing an injury or has physical limitations, discreetly direct them to the other bathroom. Because the day will come when you are that person and will appreciate a sensitive host.

  • suedonim75
    2 years ago

    The Op said you’d have to climb a signifigant amount of stairs to get into the home. So, anyone with serious physical limitations probably wouldn’t visit.

  • elcieg
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    No, it certainly is not wrong to indicate where you guest bathroom is, but, I am so sorry, I have to say "no" to your lovely dinner invitation, as I can't do stairs.

    I don't understand why you can't you accommodate guests with the first floor bathroom?

    Add pretty hand towels, a candle, a flower or two, wallpaper, great mirror...so many simple to do options to spruce it up.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    Sympathies for disabilities. The HALL bath will be her private master bath. ....... that's why. Her husband has his own health issues,

    It's none of our business. The point was can you refer folks to a bath that requires stairs. Yes, you can. Can you extend kindness , and the alternate to those who may struggle? Yes.

    It's simple Golden Rule. From what I see daily in the USA? A lot of folks , ( not you ) would benefit from some STAIRS : )

  • chloebud
    2 years ago

    "I’ve come to realize we’re not being unreasonable, as long as we’re willing to accommodate those who need it."

    Not being unreasonable at all!

    "Unreasonable" made me think of this little side note of humor regarding guest bathrooms. We have an ex-neighbor who's a complete neat/clean freak. She put a sign on the wall above the toilet in her guest bath..."Gentlemen, you are requested to SIT, DO NOT STAND, when using the loo." Still makes me laugh. This is also a woman who runs her vacuum over her dicondra lawn.

  • turtlexings24
    2 years ago

    @chloebud  LOL!! I'd ask your neighbor what about ladies; can I stand? Mix things up a bit!

  • Marigold
    2 years ago

    I have both a powder room and a larger bath on my main floor. I always direct my brother to the master bathroom, just because it has more space for him than the powder room, since he has some mobility issues.

    It never occurred to me that suggesting he use my more private bathroom would be considered rude.

  • PRO
    MDLN
    2 years ago

    Would just make sure that bathroom is really nice.

    "The bathroom is just down the stairs, on the right." Would use the phrase "lower level," rather than "basement."

    No big deal, at all.

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    2 years ago
    last modified: 2 years ago

    It's becoming clear, we are the most neurotic/ confused society on earth. .......................literally unable to apply common sense to all manner of MANNERS.

    Case in point? Dining in a restaurant last night: Elderly couple leaving. Gentleman is quite unsteadily using a cane, aided by his partner. She is nearly as aged, only slightly steadier. I glance around...... waiting a mere thirty seconds to see if ANYONE else will notice their struggle. Nope.

    I firmly take the gentleman's un caned arm, do the sloooooooooow walk , send the lady friend to pull the car up, and deposit him slowly/gently to the bench outside. Wait patiently for her to bring the car, and very carefully lift him up deposit him into the car, which includes lifting those legs in safely

    A lot of humor went with this ten minute task " Where's your walker, Dave ( 84 ) ?" At the apartment". Wellllll of COURSE it is Dave!........!!! Thanked profusely I went back in - where virtually every nose was not sniffing wine or a plate of culinary delight. Every nose was IN a PHONE. Nobody would have noticed a bomb going off.

    Don't ask where grace and courtesy have gone as we wring hands over pronouns,,,,while at the same time "realizing" it is rare that we even SEE people let alone use our words to speak to them.

    I routinely use a clients guest bath. First thing I do? Check for TP and soap. Know why? I can''t count the number of times I find the guest bath barren of BOTH items. That's why.

    Allllll because we are busy busy busy busy busy busy texting bullshit to one another all day long.

    Use. Your. Head. Nobody else is - it will be refreshing.

    P.S. Whatever bath you designate as guest? Spotless and stocked are the only REAL requirements.END of rant : )

  • Anna (6B/7A in MD)
    2 years ago

    Jan hit the nail on the head.

  • PRO
    MDLN
    2 years ago

    🚩

    Whatever anybody says or does

    ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT.

    You will be amazed at how your

    whole approach to a person or

    problem becomes very different.

    -Indra Nooyo-

    Be grateful YOU do not have the health issue that necessitates a private bathroom.

  • HU-603933546
    last year

    This question sure hit home for me. My ex actually left me after five years saying one of the reasons was that I suggested our guest use the guest bathroom as apose to the ensuite in our master bedroom. The other reason was his daugher was extremely jealous about me. Lol My ex and I resided together at the lake house. His daugher would invite lots of guest up to party all hours of the night on weekends or weekdays, and I needed one private space, there were no boundaries. I often beat myself up wondering if my request was too much to ask for. I’m sixty years old and don’t think it was unreasonable to prevent the kids from walking thorugh our bedroom and using our bathroom. We had our tolitires and I didn’t really want to share my lofa and soaps, espcially through Covid. We had a perfectly four piece bathroom on the main floor!

  • PRO
    JAN MOYER
    last year

    Don't think you needed him, or his daughter. There's a lot to be said for alone.....: ) and NOT lonely, thank you!

  • tracefloyd
    last year

    There's a tree on the other side of the front drive and easy to step behind. When people arrive I tell the guys if you have to pee use that tree over there. Sometimes we do...we're a little older.

  • sushipup2
    last year

    Wanna bet that "HU-603933546" returns to edit the post?

  • PRO
    Joseph Corlett, LLC
    last year

    tracefloyd:


    If I had a customer ask me to step behind a tree, I would so they wouldn't see me peeing on our contract and their deposit before I returned each.


    No diginity for the trades and everyone wants to know why the kids all want white collar office jobs.

  • Jilly
    last year

    When visiting others, and I need to use the bathroom, I simply ask where it is … and that’s where I go.

    If at family’s, I already know which one to use.

    It’s not a big deal. All I ask is that it’s clean and has toilet paper and soap.

    At one family member’s house — old farmhouse in Iowa — the bathroom was a mere foot from the kitchen table everyone was sitting at and visiting from. We all survived just fine.

    Regarding physical/health challenges, I’d certainly want my guests to use the one most convenient and comfortable for them.

  • Jilly
    last year

    Oops, sorry, didn’t realize this thread was six months old! Oh, well.

  • tracefloyd
    last year
    last modified: last year

    @Joseph Corlett, LLC OMG not a worker, guests. And why can't people understand that some guys can't bear being cooped up in a stuffy office all day? We're men for God's sake.

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